One year ago a very dear friend visited me in my home outside of Stockholm.
When we were standing in the kitchen talking, she suddenly said;
–Marie, you´re not very nice when you are in your masculine energy!
Photo: Lisbet Spörndly https://www.fotograflisbet.se/
I had no idea what she meant and asked if she could explain...
She did and I had one of those great AHA-moments that I rarely had, because I thought I knew myself....
Again, how little did I know...
How come I listened this time?
I guess many people have tried to give me this message before, but it has only bounced back to the sender.
I wasn´t susceptible.
I think the reason I listened now was because she said it in a very vulnerable way.
She struggled with the same problem.
She just mirrored me.
The piece of the puzzle that was missing...
A few months ago I had a wonderful conversation with my childrens father who I separated from 25 years ago.
We realized that if we´ve had this knowledge during our relationship, we might still have been married...
During our marriage I were mostly in my masculine energy and he was mostly in his feminine, which didn´t attract me...
When we argued, he went into his masculine energy and guess what I did then; I went into silence!
You see I grew up with a father who was very dominant and the only way I knew to survive our conflicts in my childhood was silence...
Whilst I got older I tried to make my voice heard but it always ended up in humiliation..
When I turned 17 I quit school and moved!
We never touched on the subject afterwards.
Today I understand I´ve been scared of dominant and aggressive men my whole life. This has caused me a lot of problems because I´ve also attracted them..
I wish my father was alive
The first thing I would say is;
–I´m so sorry.
Sorry for all the anger I directed at him my whole life.
I didn´t know I was just like him in so many ways..
I´ve been so angry and blind.
This blindness has affected my relation to my children in a very negative way.
Thanks to my friend and the father of my children who woke me up I´ve been able to heal my relation to my daughter. I´m so grateful for her love, her wisdom and her forgiveness.
If communication is the key in every relation I guess having a balance between the masculine and the feminine often is a missing piece..
Masculine vs. Feminine
doing vs. being
aggression vs. surrender
impatient vs. patient
striving vs. tranquil
rushing vs. nurturing
assertive vs. receptive
busy vs. calm
controlling vs. allowing
There are of course more examples, but theese are the ones that I can identify myself with.
And bear in mind, I´m not an expert, I´m just a woman, tired of loosing relationships in life because of my behavior.
That is why I´m on this journey with me, not only to get to know myself and forgive myself, but also in what it means to embrace my feminine and masculine essence.
I practice every day to stay in my feminine energy with acceptance and all my feelings.
Feelgood & Freedom
My dear friend Jaya, who "woke me up" in my masculine energy, is today my accountability partner in this matter. I allow her to remind me when I fall back in to bad habits and also the other way around.
We started a facebook group where we will share our experiences in this matter.
And also inspire you to connect with someone who can be your accountability partner and help you grow.
Welcome to join us; https://www.facebook.com/groups/213354273781902
Take care of You❤️
Kram från Feelgoodtanten