It takes courage to answer this question in an honest way.
When I look upon my 55 years of living I havn´t always had the courage to be honest with myself.
During the last 8 month I´ve looked back and really studied my own patterns in life.
As a child I wanted to be ME, but circumstances held me back and many times I lived in the shadow of my brother.
I often shot my mouth because my little happy and curious spirit didn´t fit in..
I thought I wanted my own family..
I got married and became a mum when I was 25.
We had 2 wonderful children together, but I was not happy..
The decision to leave was painful.
How would the divorce affect my children?
I made the decision but I carried the guilt for years...
I opened a Toy Store
Running my company with Toystores #Boink started of as a dream. I wanted to create a security for me and my children and I also wanted to get my fathers approval of being good enough..
When I planned my first shop 1999 my father said one sentence which I´ll never forget;
–"Don´t expect to be able to live from this.
Count on days with 0:- in cashier!"
He was just worried because he had been struggling while he was running a shop earlier in his life.
It didn´t do me any good because that sentence kept me struggling for 17 years!
From day 1 with my company I was programmed that it was going to be a struggle.
And it was.
I didn´t want to be a failure
I couldn´t allow myself to give up because I wanted to prove my father wrong.
What I instead did was to walk straight into ”failure-lane ” because of the thoughts I allowed in my mind...
I never asked myself;
–" What DO I want?"
I really learned a lesson through this.
I will never share my fear to someone who is just about taking a lifechanging decision.
After burnout I choosed a sociopath..
After living a couple of years with a legit sociopath without my own voice I met a warm and loving man, Anders.
He held me for 14 years.
But once I started to dig within me I understood I had entered our relation from the wrong direction. Even though I loved him and still do.
I had lost myself in the past.
I carried shame, guilt and anger and I definetely didn´t love myself.
I let the failures define me and that became my believe.
What do I need & what do I want?
Once I realised that there where no space for personal growth within our relation I made the hardest decision in my life.
I wanted to heal myself.
Heal the "little Marie" inside of me.
Of course I was judged..
"–How can you do this to Anders after everything he has done for you?"
That was a hard one to carry at the same time I went through my own open wounds.
It took a while before I understood I´m not doing anything TOWARDS Anders.
Even if the consequences of my actions was tough for him.
But it is not my responsibility.
I can´t carry anyone elses sorrow.
I can only carry my own.
I can only be responsible for Me.
I made the decision FOR me.
I think this is a huge reason why many people stay in relationships even if they don´t make each other happy anymore.
The fear of making someone sad, upset, angry, disappointed..
The fear of not doing the best for your kids.
The fear of taking the wrong decision.
What shall everyone else think?
Fear runs this world.
–Don´t let it run your life!
I was given this life to live it to the fullest and that´s what I will do.
Even if it comes with people disliking me.
I don´t really care anymore.
People who choose to direct their anger, fear and hate against others I believe need to heal themselves.
Thanks to PGI I´ve got the tools today to change my beliefs in the right direction and I can create whatever I want in my life.
My amazing brother
Finally I need to add, that living in the shadow of my amazing brother made
me the warrior I am.
I never give up and that´s something I learned from him.
There is always an opposite of everything.
Choose the positive
If you feel stuck in life, let´s talk!
From now on I will coach others with this amazing tools I´ve got through PGI.
Feel free to choose your time HERE
I receive so much love and I want to thank you all for your support.
Have a great week and take care of you!